31 Days: Day Nine
Mar. 10th, 2010 12:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mindsplintersThis might not be the best cure for mourning the loss of Alex Morgan and Valtiana's ugly little fit but it will distract me from that diva-bitch winning again. Ah, Drag Race. I can't quit you.
World: Film Noir
Character: Charlie (Oh, Charlie)
Charlie hugged herself more tightly as she sat curled in the corner created by her bed and the two walls. From where she sat, she could just see the neon lights of the department store across the street from her apartment through the window, blinds drawn back to let in the slightly stale breeze from outside. In reality, though, she saw nothing but the back of her own mind. She had never before felt so paralyzed by her own thoughts and emotions.
Then again, she had never before done something that haunted her so badly. The fall-out was immense, unfathomable. It was worse than the day after she knew she was no longer going to be a proper nurse. It dwarfed every other poor judgment call or petty behavior. The only word for it, in the end, was unforgivable.
Worse yet, she knew her own mind had the least spines to it. Davis, Will - how could she do that to either of them? Betrayer to one, leech to the other. One act broke her trust with both of them, even if one still slept all innocent of her crime. The other... Oh, Will. She felt the slight prick of her short nails against her upper arms. She wondered if he had found sleep again or if he was too busy burning the linens and scrubbing everything she ever touched. It would be easier if he did not care and could treat it as a mistake to be forgotten and, had someone asked her before, she would have answered readily that he could. The look on his face, though, when she had recoiled and the way it darkened when she told him it never happened...
She wanted to close her eyes but knew that would only make it worse. With the lack of one sense, the others sharpened their claws and she would lose herself again in those sweet, painful moments. His touch had burned out her nerve endings until he was all that existed. Licking her lips reminded her of his kisses, the bruising claims he made with his mouth. She had never felt like that before and she still shook inside at the loss of control.
With another dig at her arms, Charlie forced her mind back to the neon flickering outside. The icy chill of decision replaced the tingles created by the memory of Will's touch. She would have to face up to her mistake. She would have to apologize. She swallowed down a moment of panic as she also realized this meant confession to Davis. How the hell did you beg forgiveness from your boyfriend for sleeping with his best friend?
And that was the stark reality of everything and she began to weep as the walls broke down. Burying her face against her raised knees, Charlie cried until everything but the hollowness left. Temporary respite was all she could hope for but, in that moment of complete awareness, it was as tempting as Will himself had been that night. She had a feeling that she would regret all of this, too.
World: Film Noir
Character: Charlie (Oh, Charlie)
Charlie hugged herself more tightly as she sat curled in the corner created by her bed and the two walls. From where she sat, she could just see the neon lights of the department store across the street from her apartment through the window, blinds drawn back to let in the slightly stale breeze from outside. In reality, though, she saw nothing but the back of her own mind. She had never before felt so paralyzed by her own thoughts and emotions.
Then again, she had never before done something that haunted her so badly. The fall-out was immense, unfathomable. It was worse than the day after she knew she was no longer going to be a proper nurse. It dwarfed every other poor judgment call or petty behavior. The only word for it, in the end, was unforgivable.
Worse yet, she knew her own mind had the least spines to it. Davis, Will - how could she do that to either of them? Betrayer to one, leech to the other. One act broke her trust with both of them, even if one still slept all innocent of her crime. The other... Oh, Will. She felt the slight prick of her short nails against her upper arms. She wondered if he had found sleep again or if he was too busy burning the linens and scrubbing everything she ever touched. It would be easier if he did not care and could treat it as a mistake to be forgotten and, had someone asked her before, she would have answered readily that he could. The look on his face, though, when she had recoiled and the way it darkened when she told him it never happened...
She wanted to close her eyes but knew that would only make it worse. With the lack of one sense, the others sharpened their claws and she would lose herself again in those sweet, painful moments. His touch had burned out her nerve endings until he was all that existed. Licking her lips reminded her of his kisses, the bruising claims he made with his mouth. She had never felt like that before and she still shook inside at the loss of control.
With another dig at her arms, Charlie forced her mind back to the neon flickering outside. The icy chill of decision replaced the tingles created by the memory of Will's touch. She would have to face up to her mistake. She would have to apologize. She swallowed down a moment of panic as she also realized this meant confession to Davis. How the hell did you beg forgiveness from your boyfriend for sleeping with his best friend?
And that was the stark reality of everything and she began to weep as the walls broke down. Burying her face against her raised knees, Charlie cried until everything but the hollowness left. Temporary respite was all she could hope for but, in that moment of complete awareness, it was as tempting as Will himself had been that night. She had a feeling that she would regret all of this, too.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-10 07:26 am (UTC)