More Depresso Writing!
Nov. 13th, 2010 08:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mindsplintersEveryone is used without permission! I am a naughty monkey!
There were worse things, she told herself firmly as she pulled the blanket more securely over her head. The winter was just a set of months. It wasn't as if the sun had exploded or anything. It was just a temporary thing. A few months out of the year, really. Then she could have her favorite weather and flowers and life back.
Even as Kami repeated the mantra to herself, she cringed at the familiarity of it. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew the result of such pep talks just as well as she remembered the effects. Nothing. She would feel nothing, could feel nothing. Every year, the slow death started and just the regularity of it reminded her of all the things she should have been doing to prevent it.
But that was why she had moved to California, wasn't it? It was where the sun and stars played endlessly.
She had not been taking her medication; it was out in the kitchen, so far away. The light box sat on a high shelf in her closet that meant she would have to get a stool to reach it. It was endlessly far away, too far to even try. The blanket weighed a ton but at least it was warm. Warmth meant sanity. It was something least. Kami curled up more tightly, eyes screwed shut to block even the dim light filtering through the fabric. Exhaustion leveled her and her muscles ached, a thrumming tension edging through her temples. She waited for nothing to settle in. That was what always came next, an endless sort of twilight that weighed her down and clouded her mind. It would feel like cotton wrapped around her, cool and scratchy, barely like anything at all.
Kami shivered and drew the blanket tighter as she tried to remember the last time she had seen the sun. Stretching, she reached mentally the memory. The beach. A chilly but clear day. Blue skies, golden-white sands, surprisingly free of other beach-goers. Jack had teased her about freezing off a necessary body part while Shae made a gentlemanly offer of his body heat should that happen. Jay hit them both and then went to get her own swimsuit. It had been an impromptu party with no dress code - Lia and Samuel and Jack and Shae and Jay and... Mirza had even appeared, picking his way daintily over the sands and she had scooted over on her lounge chair to share space with him, laughing as he tried for a few indiscreet touches.
She closed her eyes more tightly and reached harder. Cool breeze but warm under the golden light. People around her. Laughter and jokes. Giving up her chair and shifting to Jack's in an giggling attempt to test out his body temperature. Over everything, though, there was the sun.
A series of heavy blows echoed through Kami's apartment, barely rousing her from the dreamless sleep into which she had slipped. A low, barely coherent noise escaped her and she curled up tighter. If she stayed there, no one could find her. She told herself that it was okay. They could find her again when it was warm. She would be herself then. No one would have to pretend they didn't see her.
The blanket over her head muffled the sound of first one door and then another opening, carpet softening steps. Through the haze surrounding her, Kami missed the warning touch, the gentle weight of a hand through the blanket somewhere along her back. When the hard tug came and it fell away at the motion, leaving her shivering, a small whimper escaped her lips as she tried to curl herself even more tightly. A soft, muttered "shit" barely made an impact. The cold surrounded her again; she craved light but it was dark.
Jack grimaced as he looked down on the disheveled, forlorn little bundle of curves that was Kami. He watched with increasing alarm as his hand skimmed her shoulder only to have her shrink away. While he was well acquainted with her pulling back from the very rough first weeks of his residency, it had never been like this. Angry, disgusted, sure. But wounded and shaking? Never. Easing his weight carefully down to the mattress, he reached out and drew her dead weight towards him. He barely registered the soft bare skin of her arms and the way her camisole squirmed up her torso as he fought her body's inertia. After a bit, at the cost of a few soft whimpers, he won the battle and she curled up, half in his lap, kitten-like and quiet.
"Kami?" He stroked a gentle hand over her dark hair. "Hey, baby doll, what's up?" His voice murmured and whispered, afraid to lift it too high or demanding in the face of her silence. "We haven't seen you around in ages. We're getting worried." No response greeted him and he frowned. His fingers tangled in the thick waves beneath his hand but careful and ever so tender. "Kami," he continued quietly, "we miss you. Mirza's wasting away from no free treats. Rick's haunting your mailbox... Lia's fit to bust and she'd kill me if she knew I came in here but..." He located the delicate curve of her jaw with his fingertips and exerted the slightest of pressures there to turn her face towards him. She blinked up at him and he felt his stomach drop.
His fingers moved to trace her full mouth, feeling a tremble there. "Kami, baby doll, are you sick?"
She shook her head but did not fight him. "I'm okay," she whispered. Closing her eyes again, she allowed her head to rest against his shoulder. "I'm just... tired."
"You've been tired for three days then," Jack argued. Catching himself, he bit the tip of his tongue and adjusted his arms around her more firmly. "Have you been eating? I'm not even going to ask if you've been sleeping." His hand moved over her bare arm and he paused. "Shit, Kami. You're like ice."
"Yeah." Kami gave a strange, soft giggle and drew up closer to him. "It's cold, Jack," she answered softly. "It happens."
"... It's not that cold." But his words got lost in her hair as he pulled her upwards into a better position to press gentle kisses to her temple. "C'mon. We'll warm you up. Then, when you're feeling better, we'll go visiting. It's Thursday. Shae's got that big damn pot of gumbo going and your name is on the guest list." He kissed her cheek, felt the cold there, and held her more firmly. Then, ever so gently, he lowered her back to the bed, tugged up covers, and lay down beside her, curling protectively around her small frame before pulling the blankets up once more. He nuzzled into her hair, breathing warm on her neck as his arms wrapped securely around her. "He's going to spank you."
When she laughed weakly, he felt some of the tension drain from his shoulders and he smiled into the soft, sweet skin of her neck. "And then I'll spank you," he added, "and then you won't get any of that visiting done because... Well, you'll be busy." He chuckled, velvet and dark and wicked, bravado returning.
"But I..."
"Sshh, baby doll." He found her pulse beneath his lips and pressed a slow, comforting kiss there. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. Let's just get you warm. Go to sleep, Kami. Old Jack's here."
Long minutes passed and, only when he finally felt her relax in his hold, did Jack give a silent sigh of relief. He thought she was going to fight him. As he listened to her soft breathing, he promised himself that he would make her smile again. No matter what.
There were worse things, she told herself firmly as she pulled the blanket more securely over her head. The winter was just a set of months. It wasn't as if the sun had exploded or anything. It was just a temporary thing. A few months out of the year, really. Then she could have her favorite weather and flowers and life back.
Even as Kami repeated the mantra to herself, she cringed at the familiarity of it. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew the result of such pep talks just as well as she remembered the effects. Nothing. She would feel nothing, could feel nothing. Every year, the slow death started and just the regularity of it reminded her of all the things she should have been doing to prevent it.
But that was why she had moved to California, wasn't it? It was where the sun and stars played endlessly.
She had not been taking her medication; it was out in the kitchen, so far away. The light box sat on a high shelf in her closet that meant she would have to get a stool to reach it. It was endlessly far away, too far to even try. The blanket weighed a ton but at least it was warm. Warmth meant sanity. It was something least. Kami curled up more tightly, eyes screwed shut to block even the dim light filtering through the fabric. Exhaustion leveled her and her muscles ached, a thrumming tension edging through her temples. She waited for nothing to settle in. That was what always came next, an endless sort of twilight that weighed her down and clouded her mind. It would feel like cotton wrapped around her, cool and scratchy, barely like anything at all.
Kami shivered and drew the blanket tighter as she tried to remember the last time she had seen the sun. Stretching, she reached mentally the memory. The beach. A chilly but clear day. Blue skies, golden-white sands, surprisingly free of other beach-goers. Jack had teased her about freezing off a necessary body part while Shae made a gentlemanly offer of his body heat should that happen. Jay hit them both and then went to get her own swimsuit. It had been an impromptu party with no dress code - Lia and Samuel and Jack and Shae and Jay and... Mirza had even appeared, picking his way daintily over the sands and she had scooted over on her lounge chair to share space with him, laughing as he tried for a few indiscreet touches.
She closed her eyes more tightly and reached harder. Cool breeze but warm under the golden light. People around her. Laughter and jokes. Giving up her chair and shifting to Jack's in an giggling attempt to test out his body temperature. Over everything, though, there was the sun.
A series of heavy blows echoed through Kami's apartment, barely rousing her from the dreamless sleep into which she had slipped. A low, barely coherent noise escaped her and she curled up tighter. If she stayed there, no one could find her. She told herself that it was okay. They could find her again when it was warm. She would be herself then. No one would have to pretend they didn't see her.
The blanket over her head muffled the sound of first one door and then another opening, carpet softening steps. Through the haze surrounding her, Kami missed the warning touch, the gentle weight of a hand through the blanket somewhere along her back. When the hard tug came and it fell away at the motion, leaving her shivering, a small whimper escaped her lips as she tried to curl herself even more tightly. A soft, muttered "shit" barely made an impact. The cold surrounded her again; she craved light but it was dark.
Jack grimaced as he looked down on the disheveled, forlorn little bundle of curves that was Kami. He watched with increasing alarm as his hand skimmed her shoulder only to have her shrink away. While he was well acquainted with her pulling back from the very rough first weeks of his residency, it had never been like this. Angry, disgusted, sure. But wounded and shaking? Never. Easing his weight carefully down to the mattress, he reached out and drew her dead weight towards him. He barely registered the soft bare skin of her arms and the way her camisole squirmed up her torso as he fought her body's inertia. After a bit, at the cost of a few soft whimpers, he won the battle and she curled up, half in his lap, kitten-like and quiet.
"Kami?" He stroked a gentle hand over her dark hair. "Hey, baby doll, what's up?" His voice murmured and whispered, afraid to lift it too high or demanding in the face of her silence. "We haven't seen you around in ages. We're getting worried." No response greeted him and he frowned. His fingers tangled in the thick waves beneath his hand but careful and ever so tender. "Kami," he continued quietly, "we miss you. Mirza's wasting away from no free treats. Rick's haunting your mailbox... Lia's fit to bust and she'd kill me if she knew I came in here but..." He located the delicate curve of her jaw with his fingertips and exerted the slightest of pressures there to turn her face towards him. She blinked up at him and he felt his stomach drop.
His fingers moved to trace her full mouth, feeling a tremble there. "Kami, baby doll, are you sick?"
She shook her head but did not fight him. "I'm okay," she whispered. Closing her eyes again, she allowed her head to rest against his shoulder. "I'm just... tired."
"You've been tired for three days then," Jack argued. Catching himself, he bit the tip of his tongue and adjusted his arms around her more firmly. "Have you been eating? I'm not even going to ask if you've been sleeping." His hand moved over her bare arm and he paused. "Shit, Kami. You're like ice."
"Yeah." Kami gave a strange, soft giggle and drew up closer to him. "It's cold, Jack," she answered softly. "It happens."
"... It's not that cold." But his words got lost in her hair as he pulled her upwards into a better position to press gentle kisses to her temple. "C'mon. We'll warm you up. Then, when you're feeling better, we'll go visiting. It's Thursday. Shae's got that big damn pot of gumbo going and your name is on the guest list." He kissed her cheek, felt the cold there, and held her more firmly. Then, ever so gently, he lowered her back to the bed, tugged up covers, and lay down beside her, curling protectively around her small frame before pulling the blankets up once more. He nuzzled into her hair, breathing warm on her neck as his arms wrapped securely around her. "He's going to spank you."
When she laughed weakly, he felt some of the tension drain from his shoulders and he smiled into the soft, sweet skin of her neck. "And then I'll spank you," he added, "and then you won't get any of that visiting done because... Well, you'll be busy." He chuckled, velvet and dark and wicked, bravado returning.
"But I..."
"Sshh, baby doll." He found her pulse beneath his lips and pressed a slow, comforting kiss there. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. Let's just get you warm. Go to sleep, Kami. Old Jack's here."
Long minutes passed and, only when he finally felt her relax in his hold, did Jack give a silent sigh of relief. He thought she was going to fight him. As he listened to her soft breathing, he promised himself that he would make her smile again. No matter what.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-14 02:27 am (UTC)Jack really does care a lot about Kami. You've really captured that here. And you nailed Jack as well, as you are so good at doing. <333